3/16/21

Dear Atlas,

It’s me; your Dad.

The clock continues to count down until you arrive in our lives. Your Mom and I are both ready for you to be here; with us, in our family.

I’ve been thinking a lot about what my life will be like when you arrive. I wish that I could tell you my heart/mind felt ready to be a Dad. Yet, there’s still this part of me what wonders “am I ready?”

I don’t think there’s anything that could have prepared me for your arrival. Any parent, really.

I’m going to let you in on a little secret about life; everybody looks like they know something you don’t, or have it figured out more than you feel you do. That’s the truth, Atlas. If you could see the reality of everybody’s mind, you’d probably see a lot more uncertainty than the projection of confidence and composition you imagine to be real.

“Will they like me?” Is usually hidden behind fancy outfits, fast cars, or big pieces of property.

“Am I good enough?” Is shrouded in college degrees, career moves, and expensive jewelry.

A lot of questions in life can be boiled down to the simple question of “Am I enough?”

I’ve wondered that before, Atlas. And I wonder it now, as I prepare to be your Dad.

You coming into my life makes me realize just how transient and temporary everything I’ve ever done is, was, and will be. You, on the other hand, are permanent. You’re real. And you’re magnificent.

It’s this magnificence of you that has helped me answer one of my own questions in life…the biggest one, if you will.

“Am I good enough?”

Your Mom helped me find the answer to this question when she first said “I love you” and “Lean on me” shortly after we first met.

You two have helped cement my own belief that I’m enough, as I am. Why? Because I feel that your Mom is enough (way more than enough, Atlas) and I know that you will be as well.

I can’t offer you something that I haven’t given myself first. In this case, it’s looking at my own life and realizing I’m enough.

Enough for you. Enough for your Mom. Enough for the people I love. Enough for God. And enough for me.

I think a lot of parents try to fix themselves through their children; they try to dress them up in clothes they didn’t have as children, or provide them with experiences they felt like they were deprived of – never really wondering if that’s what the child, in fact, wants.

I can speak for both your Mom and I when I say that we want you to be your own person. We’re doing our very best to heal our own wounds, traumas, and hurts ahead of your arrival, so that we don’t pollute your own life experience with our hurts. You deserve to be free of our own karma, Atlas.

Today, I am ever thankful that you are coming into our lives. I know that we’re in for a whirlwind of an adventure with you….

I love you, Atlas. Your Mom does, too.

Dad